Love & Roses

I always have a fascination towards the red rose since I was a child. We always see it as a symbol of happiness, purity and beauty. It’s not just the red color and fragrance of rose that attracts us toward it, whereas if you observe closely there is some internal moisture in rose leaves which gives us a kind of warmth and soft feeling to hands whenever we hold it.

Amidst  all this theory about rose there is one thing which always made me curious that why it is referenced with love and always visualized as symbol of love and romance between couples. I mean it has nothing to do with emotions and feelings what we experience while falling in love still “Red is defined as color of love and rose as symbol of showing love”.

Surprisingly one day I got a rose out of somewhere just like that from a friend and to give some more food to my curious mind I kept it my room and started observing it every day. Initially it was creating a beautiful aura and positive impact in my room , still there were no answers to my question my question of rose’s relation to love.

I noticed with each passing day that the rose which was blossoming in my room two days back, is slowly losing it charm and starting to fade from red to grey even the smells seems to be dying out of it. You have to go very close to it if you want to get the smell.

Few more days passed and the leaves are sort of black now and the smell was all lost. It appears that the rose was overall degrading the beauty of my room now. One day I was angry and my mom told me I am getting irritated because of that dried rose in my room as its creating negative impact on my mind. She asked me to throw it away. But as I’ve already told that I have some unsettled curiosity for roses & their connection with love so I couldn’t throw it away so I left it like that. As days passed by, the leaves dried and blackened completely, they even left the stem and were lying on my floor. I realized that I am not throwing it away but roses wanted to be thrown away and I am just not letting it go for my own satisfaction & greed.  I decided that I will give a much deserved goodbye to my once beautiful & presently dying room partner. As I was picking the rose which was now only some leaves and stem, I got pinched by the thorn of stem and blood came out from my finger. As I came out of the house even rest of the leaves also flew and now only the stem was left in my blood stained hands.

I saw a bird coming towards me from the nearby tree, in blow of a second the stem was in the bird’s beak which she took to complete the nest over the nearby tree. I was standing alone with blood stream flowing out of my hands watching the bird trying to place it and stem trying to position itself in the new room. To serve a new purpose to be heart of someone else’s home.

In that few minutes it all became clear like a suspense getting revealed of a thriller movie. The roses, the red color, the smell, the warmth , the beauty , the aura , the positive impact and most of all its relation to love ,relations and heartbreak…

Lonely...So Lonely

I feel too lonely at times, but that doesnt bothers me much, the problems is that lonilness comes very often sometimes several times during same day even after so many months have past but still it feels as if I have hugged you just yesterday.

Don't know what I want with my life, what I really want to happen and what not but place which has become vacant since you left is growing bigger with each day.I know you might never going to read this but still I write because this is the only place where I can talk to you freely without being judged not even by you.
I never share my feelings with people you already know this but keeping all this inside me and smiling the whole day making life beautiful for others while burning from inside is a huge task which assigned to me.

The worst part is I have nobody to blame too except myself but how to give more pain to myself when I am already suffering so much...every night while coming from office and after reaching home the world around me remains so silent still it feels as if a concrete mixer is placed in my mind...I love watching moon too much...this reminds me of our days when we both were in college but we used to share the same moon.

You know what Pune is a beautiful city, the kind of one you would have loved to spend your life in.
I fear going Delhi now, its not my Watan anymore, I fear everything remind me of your presence if I will go to Delhi again even if for a visit.

You know if I get any watsapp message from a contact directly ( It beeps differently when you get message directly from contact rather than group message ) I hope rises that it might be your message saying "Buddy I missed you "...and then if I will not receive message for next one year that would be fine...It will give peace that you remember me, that's it.
Try to look at your Instagram account but then its private so cant see anything other than your status which is same from last so many things...You will be surprised to know that how weak I have become now , Even I pity myself whenever I try to see your insta promising myself that next time will not do but still I check in hope to get a glimpse.Never got courage to send request with fear that what If you will not accept.

Things become so different naa, but you know what I am happy that you are strong unlike me atleast you know how to control your emotions or maybe I have made you emotionless by hurting you so much in all those years, but its helping you now.

So many things have changes in last 1 year you cant imagine, so many new people I have met lot and lot of new friends who are crazy about me like always, although none of them know what I was a year before.
People love me, everybody who meets me they go crazy I still carry that attitude that brings people closure to me..But that all doesn't give me even a blink of happiness because I was not able to keep that one person close who mattered most.

Do watch moon sometimes just watch don't think anything, I will get the vibes as if I have seen you.
I miss you.

Note : Recent listened a song from movie Ae Dil hai mushkil "Breakup song" I felt as if you are singing that sing....I dont know why.


Shashwat





 

The Reason

Dear Betu,

You loved me
Because I always gave you what you asked for
Because I challenged you to grow
Because I always hated those who thought that you cant do it on your own
But now
You hate me for the same reason
We are not together now for the same reason
One day you will be with someone else
With the growth that I inspired,
The Irony,
I love you regardless....

Your's Buddy.

I WISH THINGS TO BE DIFFERENT

You weren't nothing,you were so much more than that.
I know that you are never going to forgive me ,but I wished you just have stayed a bit more longer may be few days or months and life would have been too different.I would have been a changed a person.

Don't ever think that I never cared about you,you were one of greatest people I have ever met.And you were always in my mind whatever I was doing even today.
Do you even know how much it hurt me to lose you ?
You were such a big part of my life or I shoudl say you were my life that too for so long and walking away wasnt easy to accept.
You needed to let me go, to move on with your life as long as I was in your life you weren't able to do that whatever you want,I accept it.I was holding you back.
I know you're going to be a better person.You fight for people ,you dont let them go when things get hard, you are a better person than I will ever be.I know I must have definitely done unforgivable blunder to make you take that step.

I hope no one ever hurts you teh way I did,you dint deserved that.I know you cant even look at me right now and I feel terrible at the fact that you asked me to forget you for always.More terrible when I realise that you asked me to not contact you as it will hold you back from moving on. But every momnet I feel like talking to you messaging you irrespective of the fact that it will never be possible.

I am glad that I have met you and I hope you find someone who actually deserves you.


I wish things would not have ended the way they did.
I wish it would have been diferent.

The Letter of Confusion

Sandwich : What it means ?
You know sandwich is something which is pressed from both sides and getting squeezed in between.
How you can be sandwiched if I am not putting any pressure or you from any side.Its your fight for your thing with your family.You want it equally as much as I do.
Also I am not at all asking you or telling you anything what I am thinking so that you don't get any pressure from my end at-least. And you say you are sandwiched.

Main kyun khush hounga tumhe aazmaish mein dekh ke yaar.I have other important things to think about you right now rather than feeling happy by seeing you in this situation.

I never pressurized you for anything  Betu..not for love not for hate nor I will ask you for marriage by doing anything you wont agree.Do what your heart says and what you think will be good for your future and family not for me.

I am saying this because I do only that what I feel is good for me.likewise I feel I love you and I feel happy with you and you are the best person I have ever met.These are the reasons I want to marry you.Not because I am sandwiched or any other thing.

I am too confused from your part these days.I had thought that it will be atleast between us when this all will start.But you sound to confused about us now.I always told you that it will take time atleast months to year for them to digest everything.Its been just a month or less and you seem to have lost hope.

I wish you all the strength of the world.
One of my friend married someone whom she dint wanted and she said to me that " Everyone for whom you will do all the sacrifices will get busy next day you are off their head.Its you who will have to face everything and spend your life.So make sure that you dont hurt your whole life in race of saving others from getting hurt for some days or months".



I miss you.
More than ever.

I just wanna say.

Bas aa phuche ab door nhi chaar kdam bas chalna hai.....!!!

I love you.

Tu hi Tu har jagah....!!!

More than a week has passed and I haven't much heard from you still.
Craving for you is increasing day by day.

From always I have found you in different people ...in their smiles I see you
..or their dimples used to make me remind me of you....the nose...or someone's hairstyle resembles your.
All these things used to bring smile on my face...But now I am searching for your face in the crowd but can't find it. Not even that one moment look which can bring smile to my face.
Maybe because the feel good factor is not there.

I was thinking life is so amazing yet so strange naa. One moment we are the happiest person on earth and don't realize its importance and the other everything vanishes like a dream and we don't know what surprise the next moment holds.

You know from always missing you have been an amazing feel or experience but never felt like this in last 11 years.
Today I think I haven't even talked or loved you the 1% of what I hold in myself.
I miss you always but don't know why this time its different.

I saw a gal sleeping on shoulder of her partner and a surprising thought flashed in my mind. Will I ever to be with you like that ever now...I don't have answer.

I love you.
Miss you.

The Sleepless night...

I have got many sleepless nights since the day I first got to know you on 13th Jan 2004.
I am not getting sleep today,don't know why...is it The love...You...The msg "don't col or msg on my number"... Or the thing which I know still I don't.
I just wish it to be the former two ones.

They say that you realize the importance of things when its not there. But you have never been with me and always there,still you are the most important noun or pronoun of my life.
Missing you has been a great learning experience of my life. I could write a book on it that too in several volumes. Initially it was just waiting for your messages or calls. Or to see your face in school assembly. Then it was sleepless days and nights thinking about knowing the fact that its a dream what I am imagining. But now its different all levels are crossed ,it has crossed all bars of waiting. I just want you to be with me right here. Without convincing my mind with some stupid fake explanations of not happening that.

I miss you so much at this very moment that I can leave you right away but I can't.
You know why...
Because I love you...
Because everything I ever talked to anyone about my future you have always been a part of it. I want to see that dreams getting true.
Because what we have endured all these years will be waste...our promises our love.
Because I have never met anyone more beautiful than you in any sense. If you can't believe it see it through my eyes. The view is just amazing.

I don't fear the future because I know we will try our best to make it the best we can. I fear the days coming after that. Once that comes it will be lot more soothing to see you lie by my side.

I know the fact that test is not over yet. But I fear that it has begun still or not.

I wish I could call you and say I love betu right away. But then life's never been that good and easy to me.

I love you(I hope you listening).

TERE BIN...!!!

Boondein hai Yaadein hai aur main hun,

Sirf tu nahi hai aur fri kuch bhi nahi hai.

Nigahein hain raahein hai aur safar hai,

Sirf tu nahi hai aur fir tere aane ko dil bekaraar hai.

Khidkiyan hain dware hian aur thikana hai,

sirf tu nahi hai aur teri aahat ka kabse intezaar hai.

Kuch vichaar hain kuch sapne hain,

unemin tu hai aur vo sab apne hain.

Meri baatein hain meri saansein hai

aur main hun,

Sirf tu nahi hai aur fir kuch bhi nahi hai.

The days of life... :) :)

I was remembering our time in last 10 years and how much we helped telecom companies in their business and that we could have bought a car in that price.

Do you remember our talks about growing old together. Now, here we are, (not old yet!) 10 years later, still in love, still happy, still looking toward the horizon, wanting to walk the journey of life together. Do I say it often enough?--I love you! Thank you for loving me back and being my beautiful and wonderful companion for the last ten years. That's 876581.1 hours……

Remember when in school we used to come early and search for a place where we can sit and talk and bunk assembly and then the lunch hours and physical ed lecture. Mostly, we fought in that moments just like today still all of those moments are so memorable.

The time we spend in bus while returning form anandi Water Park and holding hands. And our first meeting in Lucknow we planned and fought so much for that. I try to compose myself always but you were always champ in irking me off since then till today ;). Everyday passed with you ended up being my favorite day of my life. We shared so much--both good times and hard times--but we've faced everything together if not near though together always.

I started listing the reasons I love you, but it was becoming filmy as you call it . Let me just say that I never worry about your reaction to adversity. When I fall apart, you stand firm like a rock. You have always been faithful to me (how many people can say that today?). I've heard that it is better to be trusted than to be loved. I trust you--you have always been loyal to me. I love you for your smile and you bad sense of humor. At the end of a hard day, I have always looked forward listening your sweet voice. Even your eyes seem to smile--those happy creases at the corners. I love you for putting our relation and me first. Thank you for loving me.

I know that the great poets have struggled to pen words that adequately describe this kind of love. In the end they discover they fall woefully short. And so do I . Please accept this poor attempt as my expression of undying love and devotion. Thank you for being all that you are.

Happy Anniversary! I love you!

The lovely years…!!!

As I was standing in the greeting card section of the a store a couple of days ago, I just couldn't find a card that could adequately express the love that I feel for you. After 10years of relationship, I can’t say that I am happy or sad or all days have been the best for me in these 10 years but one this I can say proudly that I am the luckiest person  that you are my partner. You make me feel like I can do anything--and with you by my side, I know that I can. They say that the relationships are good only in the beginning but for me its always been the same in all these years, although the path we followed was very tough one but we moved on that carelessly and freely. We really have an easy life ahead of us! Of course, things can't always be perfect, but they've been very, very good, and I'm so grateful to you for that.

Thank you for being so good to me and for being so loving, PATIENT, and kind. In the beginning I used to think that I am mad and how you bear me but now I realized that I am not the only one who is MAD and that’s why you can bear me.

 You're as sweet and as stubborn today as you were when we first met.I loved you that day and love you even more like that today. I'm thankful that you're so willing to listen to me and to share with me your feelings and dreams, even your concerns and your worries and to listen mine aswell.

I honestly can't think my life would be without you in it other than barren, cold, and meaningless. I know that as the years pass, the love that we share will continue to grow. I look forward to those years when we'll be raising our kids together, building a home, and fulfilling our dreams. Crazy as it may sound, I even look forward to growing old together. The thought of all the upcoming years spent by your side brings me a joy and a peace that I can hardly comprehend. I know that, no matter what, we'll stay together, through thick and thin. That's what real love and commitment is all about, and that's what I have for you.

I just love when you say Buddy, jitna bhi try karlo I am never gonna leave you and will not let you do that“

Thanks for saying above line they make our love bond more strong.

Yours always and forever!

You Me and We.

We are not alone We are three of us you me and we.
Here we are I am Me and you are You and together we are We.
And this story has not yet ended I suppose it has not even started yet even.
Have you ever read a book whose every page brigs down a chill to your spine and you are just so eager to turn the current page and move on to next and still you never want the book to end,I am sure you must have.
This is what I feel about our love about you , me and WE.

I hope our life will be like a book no one ever wants to put down- the kind of book that you refrain from reading all at once because you want to savor the words and chapters and pages.

You know we will net get bored of each other,I hope we will be like the pleasant surprise that one receives when they realize that there are more pages to be read- the kind of surprise that knocks your breath away and makes tears spring to your eyes.

For me you are the book that I cannot put down. You are the book that which I fold the corners and write notes in the margins.
You are the book that I never want to finish, never want to stop reading.
Life is a book itself- and I pray that you will be there in the ending with ME.

मुझको भी तरकीब सिखा यार जुलाहे

अकसर तुझको देखा है कि ताना बुनते
जब कोइ तागा टुट गया या खत्म हुआ
फिर से बांध के
और सिरा कोई जोड़ के उसमे
आगे बुनने लगते हो
तेरे इस ताने में लेकिन
इक भी गांठ गिराह बुन्तर की
देख नहीं सकता कोई
मैनें तो ईक बार बुना था एक ही रिश्ता
लेकिन उसकी सारी गिराहे
साफ नजर आती हैं मेरे यार जुलाहे.

मुझको भी तरकीब सिखा यार जुलाहे.

तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम

                                          तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम


किसी शहर कि भागती भीड़ में जो एक खामोश चेहरा दिखाई पड़े,
थो शायद मेरा ही होगा वो , तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम...!!!

किसी गाँव के खेत में जो यूँ ही घूमते दिखे कोइ,
बेफिक्र , शांत वो मैं ही हौंगा , तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम...!!!

किसी शाम को नदि किनारे रेत में बैठे हुए,
कोई डूबते सूरज को निहार्ता दिखाई पड़े
थो वो मैं ही हौंगा,तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम...!!!

सावन कि एक बारिश में,
किसी मैदान के बीच में कोई भीगता नाच्ता दिखाई पड़े,
थो वो मैं ही हौंगा, तुम पुकार लेना  मेरा नाम...!!!

किसी मंदिर के दरवाजे पर कोई भक्त,
अकेले भजन गाता सुनाई पड़े,
थो वो आवाज़ मेरी ही होगी,तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम...!!!

कोई भटकता हुआ यात्री,
राह् खोजता फिरे लेते हुए तेरा नाम,
वो मैं ही हौंगा, तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम...!!!

कभी यूँ ही मिलने का मन करे या याद आए.
थो बस तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम.
मैं वहीं हौंगा तुम्हारे आस् पास.
शायद हवा कि ठंडक में या मिट्‍टी कि महक में,
बारिश के पानी में या या आग कि लपट में.
मैं पास ही हौंगा तुम्हारे.
बस तुम पुकार लेना मेरा नाम...!!!

I am in love with you

I’ve been in love with you for a while. I’m in love with your eyes. Your eyes are beautiful. You think they’re normal and that makes me love you even more.
Your eyes are this black colour, they get even lighter in the sunlight and it’s as if they’re glowing.
I’m in love with the way they stare at me. As if you’re communicating with me, telling me that you love me, that you understand me, that you want me.
The way you search my eyes, I’m in love with it. I’m in love with your smile. It’s adorable and it lights up you’re whole face.It warms my heart and it makes me feel safe, it makes me feel content.
I’m in love with you’re laugh and no words could possibly describe the beauty of you’re laugh.
I’m in love with you’re voice, the way you speak, how you pronounce and mispronounce words.
I’m in love with the way you pretend you’re sleeping, and watch me when I pretend I’m sleeping.
I love how you try to catch me watching you. I love how you know.
I love how you are with people. You can socialize so easily and I admire that.
I love how you have faith in me, you want me to succeed.
I love how you don’t take yourself too seriously, you’re absolutely crazy and you delight in my craziness.
I love you and I love how I keep falling in love with you.

I have forgotten :)

I have forgotten how you smell,
and your body feels when I hug you.

I have forgotten how your fingers intermingle with mine,
or how your lips move when you talk.

I cant recall when was the last time I kept my head in your lap.

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I don’t remember what it’s like
to just have you and me together,
talking
because neither of us wanted
to say goodnight.

It seems as though,
I have forgotten quite a lot ,
or may be its been quite long since I have experienced all this.

But what I cant seem to forget is how much ,
I miss you and
I love you.

I really wish to meet you soon.

My Definition of Love

You’re never too young to do what you love or to experience love.

I believe love is when you think every single flaw in a person is completely perfect… when you can stare at each other and say nothing yet say so much. When every morning you wake up? You wake up with this special joy because you feel your life complete and that you’re finally happy and you await every second to see the one you love again and when you’re with them a part of you still missing them, because deep inside you know that soon you’ll be apart from them until next time and it breaks your heart. And you never want it to end because being with that person is absolutely wonderful and you cant possible think of a time when you were happier. When you fall in love with that persons tears whether they were from joy or sorrow when you fall in love with their scars and flaws and their anger and their silliness and you fall in love with their smile and giggle, eyes , laugh and the way they talk and act and think … if you love every single ounce of them and even though you know that their not perfect but you don’t care because to you every imperfection about them is just extraordinarily perfect. . And you possible cant see yourself without them for one day of your entire life, you've experienced the most amazing and indescribable feeling ever. Love ….

The Jeaoulsy

I have never seen the sky so blue above my head,
or felt the breeze so light on my tense shoulders.
I have grown jealous of every grain of sand
that shares kisses with the Gulf sky
after feeling a midnight chill.
I have grown jealous of the sand
that shares longing gazes with the sky above,
the distance between me and my Sun
is much farther than the sand
and its scorching soulmate above,
it seems I cannot feel partner
or allow mirages to be formed around me
in your presence,you are too much far.
but as much as I envy the sand
and its illusory proximity to the Sun,
I know that my patience will someday
reap tangible results.
While the sand will forever remain
much too far, much too far
from its warm love above.

I love you.

The Black Jacket

Somewhere Someday Sometime at any moment two lovers were parting.

They are holding hands and laying heads on chests and sucking in deep breaths from the corners of each others’ earlobes on a railway platform of some city.

Breaths that will carve memories into their brains which will be triggered in the days, weeks and years to come by the smell of some detergent or aftershave or shampoo or just some thought of that moment.

They are whispering promises and comforting encouragements and wiping snotty tears on sweater sleeves of each other and casting strange glances at uncompromising clocks of railway station.

I picture them behind the yellow squares of light of that place just as in my room right now.

Somewhere right now two lovers touch for the last time, fingertip to fingertip, lips curving to form words inadequate, some unsaid words which want to come out. They know that after some moments this all will be gone and nothing will be left in their lives other than some memories to haunt them for coming days.

Bags are hitched awkwardly on shoulders while impatient passengers herd on by to board the train. They don’t know,They can’t feel it,the air was cold outside the way the air becomes more dense as if the growing breadth between these lovers were a tangible thing.They can’t feel the expanding space, opaque and oppressive, that thickens with every parting step, stealing those final moments and drowning their goodbyes.

Somewhere two lovers are parting, they lose each other to the deafening and blinding distance, and around them time marches dutifully on.

And in those final moments he handed of his jacket to her to keep her warm when he will not by her side for that.The black Jacket which will always remain so special to him.

YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED NO MATTER WHAT.

 

We never got what we always wanted , we also asks for more in our lives.. No one is satisfied with what he/she has. We need this kind of attitude for moving forward in life I agree with it but that doesn't means we should curse what we have. We should always respect for the thing which is in our hand and then try for the betterment of it.

Ofccourse it goes with everything our life but not in case of our partners, we should be loyal and true with the one who is with us. Everyone is not same and I agree that we may meet better and beautiful people in life than the one with whom we are but there is no end to it so its better that we realize that who is the right person for us and then make ourselves clear in this perspective only then there will be a happy an peaceful life of ours.

Things change with time and as well as people do but that is constant and that happens with everyone so we see that someone or to be specific our partner is changing or changed then we should also consider that how much we have changed in all that time. And only then we should be judgmental about our partners this is the basic rule of love or you can say relationship ie Understanding.

You have to understand the basic cause of everything that is happening between you and her.

Love is a beautiful feeling and you have to understand it the feel of comfort you get with the one who loves you Is way more ahead and important than anything else which you think is important in your life.

I Miss You Betu...!!!

I love your inner-self

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                                    I love your inner-self

When I started to know you most of your physical characteristics vanished in my mind and I begun to love your inner self. I started loving you as a person not just your looks. The energy and vibes coming from your side seemed so positive to me.

I saw your essence rather than the shell , thats why I never fell in love just with your physical beauty although you are amzing looking still your soul is what I love most.

Physical imperfections always seemed irrelevant to me it the beauty of our souls which is more important for us to stay together all the life.

I love you.